Soapbox

Good morning to you where ever in the world you are. Hope you have had a relaxing last few days. Hubby played with the Ghosts of Kelso this past Saturday night at the Red barn in Palm Desert, Ca. I always looks forward to gigs at that place. The people that hang out there seem to be part of the magic of that dive bar. Pre-surgery for Cauda Equina Syndrome, I used to walk around with my camera to try and get better shots. I noticed however, when reviewing older shots from past gigs at the Barn and noticed around summer of 2018, I started to sit and sit frequently and just take shots from where ever I could find a seat. I haven’t used flash in that room since hubby played in Tattooed Nanny. Anyhow, I only stood up to shoot a few times. We will be back soon so I will be stronger and hopefully can shoot more like I normally did a few years ago.

My hubby on the bass. Not lying, I focused on that shadow that my hubbies bass was giving.

I haven’t gone through all the photos yet as we were out and about doing stuff for the past few days. I will always choose leaving the house and going for a drive than staying home and reviewing and editing. Besides, for the last few weeks I have not been able to sit for more than a few minutes at a time as my hip and back are painfully trying to steal all of my attention. I started working on this post around 4:30 AM this morning and right now it is 7:31 AM. During that time, I got up about 10 times, went for a walk around the complex, and visited the office more times that I will admit. Also, I just got access to my old medical files, pre-2018, and the more I read, the more angry I got. In November of 2017, a physician that sent me to have an MRI suspected Cauda Equina Syndrome as they had reviewed my extensive medical records and complaints of pain and numbness and balance issues. The radiologist that read it only noted the stenosis but ruled CES out, even with my symptoms. They did note that I had calculi (stones) in my kidneys. I remember that trip to the ER as I was in a gurney for over 12 hours in the ER hallway and given analgesia for my pain and then sent home with a prescription for more pain meds even though I kept telling them getting pain meds was not on my agenda, I was in pain. It sucks that over the last 30 years, I see a pattern of me quitting jobs and my pain as it hurt so much to sit for the jobs that I was doing as well as in the jobs I had to stand or serve people for a normal 8 hour shift. Still now, I am afraid to go to the ER for any pains as I was never believed in the past. Side note, if you reader are a physician, not all overweight women, that complain of pain and feelings they can’t describe happening in any parts of their body are depressed!!! It could have made matters worse for me if I would have taken all those pills that were prescribed for my “depression” that most of the doctors that saw me assumed. There needs to be a change. Two visits before my blow-up with my then Primary Care Physician, indicate DEPRESSION. I get it, I did have depression or that is what they said when I had my stroke and yes, I did swallow a handful of pills (Darvocet) one time shortly after my stroke in 1991 to quiet my pain. So, I guess that will never leave my record. After that episode, I saw a fabulous therapist that specialized in brain injuries and I never looked back and kept going forward as she really helped me put things in perspective. To be honest, yes, I do get sad but doesn’t everybody? Please I am not trying to alienate any one with depression, ’cause I know that it sucks and can exacerbate pain. What I am saying is my own truth and no one else’s but I do find inspiration from others like me that are fighting through their issues.

Hubby is usually in the dark on stage. This time there was a light pointed right at him, at least for the first step so I really tried my hardest to capture that shadow of the headstock.

However, I keep going. Yes, I am angry but relatively happy and not because any one or thing is making me happy. I am choosing to be happy. There are many things and situations that I can’t change, but I can choose to stay in a situation or leave. Simple as that. Please, I am not giving advice, just clearing my brain of the thoughts that are flowing from my fingers this morning. This mornings rant brought to you by the makes of Jay and Silent Bob’s Snoochie Boochies. Oh yeah, if you are into that movie and THC do check that shit out! Also Motley Crue is giving some great advice in their song Don’t Go Away Mad (Just Go Away). Here are some of the lyrics of this endearing song.

That’s alright, that’s okay
We were two kids in love
Trying to find our way
That’s alright, that’s okay
Held our dreams in our hands
Let our minds run away
That’s alright, that’s okay
We were walkin’ through some youth
Smilin’ through some pain
That’s alright, let’s turn the page
And remember what I say girl
And it goes this way Girl, don’t go away mad
Girl, just go away
Girl, don’t go away mad
Now girl, just go away, (here it go)
Don’t go way mad
I don’t want you mad
Come on girl
Come on baby
I said one more time
Girl, don’t go away mad (don’t want you mad)
Girl, just go away

Songwriters: Mick Mars / Nikki SixxDon’t Go Away Mad (Just Go Away) lyrics © Warner Chappell Music, IncFeedback

Yeah, I kind of really like lyrics and stuff it’s that music nerd in me I guess.

I am still working on the photos from Sara’s shoot as I only work on a few photos and then move on to something else. Sitting too long causes discomfort as well standing too long. So, I edit differently when I am uncomfortable. This photo looked good with out a filter but see that the filter enhances the photo. Truly, she really is easy to work with and shoot. She has expressive eyes and knows her way behind the lens. When I first saw her a few years ago, I remember how much her facial expression kept my attention. This gals eyes speak their own language, seriously. She needed no coaching needed and she sailed through all my minimal directions with ease.

This shoot has been so helpful! I tried to not use filters when editing shoots like this however, my thoughts on that are changing. This is a free filter Montauk Bay.

Well, well, well, look at the time. It is now 11:57 AM and I am just about ready to end this lengthy post. During this last few hours, hubby came home for lunch and then I worked out in the pool. I hear that it takes two weeks to make a habit stick and this is my second week of working out on a schedule of sorts. I am feeling stronger, that is for sure and the healthy dose of vitamin D seems to be working wonders.

We did do a little site seeing in the neighborhood as I was scouting for new locations and such. I did find some more places that piqued my interest.

Those blobs in the field are sheep.
I think I always have my head in the clouds…

Have a great rest of the day after all it is Taco Tueday!! Have fun where ever you are today and thanks for stopping by. Hope to see you around these parts again.

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