Journaling or blogging, whatever you wish to call it, has been cleansing. Before I go any further, I need to clarify a few things. I am sure that a few eyes have rolled that have read my blog. They won’t say anything because they won’t admit to having read my thoughts and words but I am sure they have things to say. Yes, I have been an asshole in my life. Yes, I was a hell-raising teenager that got pregnant at 16. With the help of my family, I was able to graduate from Duarte High School in 1988 and start Citrus Community College. Yes, I did not let a sick man come home to his children but sent him to live with his parents and still have guilt. Yes, my children spent lots of time at their father’s parents house while I worked or if I went out. Okay, yes, if I went out, sounds bad, I admit that. My ex-martyr-in-law used to remind me how after she had kids she always stayed home and it was always about her kids. You know, I get that. Times were different back then. When her kids were little her first husband died. She was fortunate. She met a very nice, hardworking man, shortly after he first husband passed, that treated her and her children respectfully and was probably a blessing. I have nothing but respect for that man. One of my fondest memories of him was working on Lawrence’s Plymouth, he and I successfully changed the power steering pump in front of our house on Strathmore in San Gabriel, CA. The reason this is burned into my memory is that when we went to the auto part store, the guy behind the counter started asking him questions and my father-in-law said: “she’s the one that’s doing the work ask her.” Anyhow, I got off track what I am trying to say is that I was no angel. However, I dated, if that is what you want to call it, throughout 2000-2014. I kept my kids away from that side of my life. I made the mistake of letting one guy inside our circle for an 8 month period and that was it. I knew that there would be no fairy tale for me, no prince on a white horse. So, yes, I heard some choice stuff come out of my children’s mouths about me that they had to have heard from somebody, right? I prayed that my children would one day forgive me and learn to separate the truth from reality. So far so good. My children and I have good relationships and they have all turned out fairly well. Yes, my daughter did watch my boys often when she became a teenager when I worked or if I went out. I have no excuse, nor am I making one. Thank you to all the divine intervention that watched over my family during that time and thank you ex-in-laws for helping in raising my kids while I worked sometimes one full-time 7am
-4 pm shift in El Segundo and then drive across town during rush hour to Monrovia to work the closing shift at the restaurant as I did not get child support or state support monetary support but am ever so thankful for Medicaid. It reminds me of Hillary and her 1996 book It Takes A Village because it really did. My first episode with Cauda Equine Syndrome can quite possibly, be traced back as early as 2004 right around the time I had the hysterectomy and the mysterious pain that wouldn’t go away and the issues with my bowels and urinating that’s when they did a second surgery, I was told it was “nerve-entrapment” and here take these painkillers as much as you need…
To my family sorry for being the stereotypical little sister. However, I really, don’t feel like I was. Yes, there have been times in my life when I have been a complete mess both figuratively and literally. There are five of us. Hopefully, we can all be in the same place at the same time. Who knows how much time we have left on this earth, nothing is guaranteed.
To you dear reader, have a beautiful a day.