Yesterday

In a past life my brain revolted.  It was a good thing as I was headed down a road that was leading nowhere.  My body sorely needed the break as I sketchily remember.  The mask that I wore covered the war that was going on inside of me.  I was in constant pain.  My head hurt constantly and I remember that feeling of dread and doom that I could not shake.  I tried to drink and smoke it away as well as medicate it with what ever my physicians would prescribe.  They thought I was crazy.  I was 21 in 1991 that July when my world went black.  There are two weeks that I really don’t remember as I laid in darkness and cried out at the tiniest bit of light and sound as my head throbbed like the beating of a loud bass drum.  My hand and leg didn’t work as it should and people looked at me funny.  I wasn’t dead but silently wished and prayed for God to take me.  Through the wonders and saving grace of Kaiser in Los Angeles and UCSF I am alive today with some residual after affects.  Through that issue in my life I met Lawrence Gonzales in November of 1991 through Molly Kozlowski, LCSW.  He had an arteriovenous malformation (AVM) in his spinal cord and was in the same hospital that I had just been at for 6 weeks.  I too had an AVM in my brain that had bled. We went on to have three boys.  Unfortunately, medications used to treat this condition are brutal and have some not so great side effects.  Some cause anger.  I do not blame him for the anger but we did not stay together.  Their father died in 2008 from complications to the AVM. Just yesterday his friend and drummer, Rick Garcia posted old footage of them playing.  It brought me such joy to be able to share it with our boys.  I also needed to see it.  Funny how gifts come from unexpected places. Thank you Rick for sharing.

To you, invisible eyes be joyful, be kind, be okay…

 

***I will have to upgrade to add the video of their father…coming soon… below are photos of the gang of three.  To view a video clip of my boys’ father in action visit my Instagram     emmme_lee

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