Coffee Pot

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday (No, not really, it’s actually Monday!).  It’s easy to get lost in what day it is as I am not working going to work each day like a normal adult person.  yesterday I posted a clip of a video that I almost deleted from Google.  It was shot in 2016 at the Hollywood Palladium.  The last time that I had been there was when I had seen Blink 182 and was in there by myself.  This time I had my two older boys with me and hubby.  I had first learned about the Descendents in 1993 after I had met Lawrence, the boys father.  He and I met through a social worker at Kaiser in Los Angeles.  She thought that we would make a great support team since we were close in age and had the same medical condition.  She must have known something as we went on to have 3 boys and were together for roughly 9 years. Anyhow, we had talked by phone and even exchanged letters via US Mail until we met in person! There were no cell phones or text messaging. No social media?!?! Oh the horrors! Once he sent me a cassette tape of Allroy Saves by ALLALL was the actually the Descendents, minus Milo Aukerman, as Milo went to college and later got a PHD.  The first time I played the tape, I was hooked.  They sang songs that I related to in a poppy punky way.  I saw ALL with singer Chad Price twice, once at the Palladium and once I think at the Shrine.  I remember standing near the back wall away from the floor as I was instructed.  During their set, I was left alone so my ex could get closer to the stage.  I totally understand the desire and need as I remembered thinking that I was going to be strong enough to be out there with them in the crowd. I had just had that stroke and was still getting used to the new normals like balance in my life.  It did take about 20 years or so but I did it. I missed the last few times the band was here in California but not the next time.  They, like we (hubby & I), our getting older and these guys are all about our age. The drummer Bill Stevenson even had an issue with his brain as I learned in there documentary Filmage that was released a few years ago.  Hopefully, I will be posting video from Descendents shows in 20 years when I am 69, one can only hope, right?

The video was recorded during one of my favorite songs, I’m the One and Testosterone. I remember putting my phone back in my pocket and not getting anymore video or photos but that did not matter.  My boys Karl, named after the bass player Karl Alvarez of the Descendents (my sons father chose the name), and Chunk were there with hubby and I.  My older son, following in his fathers footsteps, left us to watch the show by himself and get a closer look. My son Karl and hubby stayed by my side to protect me, but I think I was protecting them, no seriously it was chaos but divine chaos.  It was a special night for sure.  In the video below that was filmed via camera phone.  The crowd was sweaty, hot and sticky.  We had been pushed and jostled but gosh, it is the best feeling ever!!  It is so rad to turn to right and see some one singing the words that is around your age and then to get pushed by a young girl, probably a teen and she is singing all the words too.  In the bathroom there were ladies my age as well as teenagers and everyone was excited to be there.  How cool would it be to experience this with my kids and grand kids? I can only hope.

My musical tastes sure are varied depending on my moods.  However, I will always be a little punk rock and soul and country and what ever gets my body moving. So glad that I could enjoy that night with my guys, my sons and hubby.  I love looking at my sons IG stories to see what music he is going to add to it.  I love that he finds some obscure shit.  Makes me smile every time it is something I have never heard.  Often, I add music to my IG stories that relate to my kids and mostly post so they can see that I am okay and so they don’t worry too much.  These are the little connections that matter the most sometimes.

Descendents 2016 Hollywood Palladium
I only got a few pics from a camera phone that night.

Oh look at the time, it is a little before 6 am this Monday morning and time for me to start moving.

To you invisible eyes have a good day and hope to see you around these parts again.


Back at Saturday here in the Coachella Valley and tonight is the last blue moon of this decade.  If I can stay awake long enough maybe I will slip outside and take a look and howl…who knows?

Just been a little stuck.  Trying to get my blurb for my artist page about pain.  Pain is funny.  It is a symptom.  I know this from my schooling for surgical technology at GCC in Glendale, CA.  Yes, I tried that too.  Nothing quite fit.  I once fainted during a ptyergium removal and all I did was set up the tray and when the Ophthalmologist I was working for made the first incision into that eyeball and all you could see was eyeball as their was a blue drape neatly draped over the patient, my world went black. Then I remember Dr. B’s wife trying to wake me up.  She was an RN.  There went 2 plus years of vocational school, right out the door. I knew it wasn’t for me, at least not working with eyeballs and surgery.  So, I got stuck in accounting where it was clean and safe.  This was right around the time I met hubby, the first time.  So, yeah, I am a bit scattered, not that I didn’t try.  Wow, these memories are coming so quickly lately.  Thinking about my blog yesterday, no one tells your story like you, right?  I was thinking about stopping but I am tired of doing what I think would make other people happy and comfortable, so no, I am not stopping.  I figure maybe one day, my kids or grand kids may happen upon this and get my story somewhat first hand.

Oh gotta sing this song by Kate Nash.  I feel sorry for my neighbors as sometimes I crank up the volume.  Her album Made of Bricks got me through some painful times and some really good belly laughing, high-fiving sessions with friends when listening to her and okay, man bashing a little.

Why are you being a dickhead for
Stop being a dickhead
Why are you being a dickhead for
You’re just fucking up situations
Why are you being a dickhead for
Stop being a dickhead
Why are you being a dickhead for
You’re just fucking up situations
My oh my, she has a lovely way with words and then her love song about Birds.  Who else could sing about birds flying high and shitting on your head and make it sound so eloquent?  Not many, I think.  Anyhow, with that, I am ready to write my pain statement, I think I found what I was looking for after all.
Ooh ohh India.Arie  is preaching in her song Video and that bass line has me dancing this morning.
Now don’t be offended this is all my opinion
Ain’t nothing that I’m saying law
This is a true confession
Of a life learned lesson
I was sent here to share with y’all
So get in when you fit in
Go on and shine
Clear your mind
Now’s the time
Put your salt on the shelf
Go on and love yourself
Cause everything’s gonna be alright
I’m not the average girl from your video
And I ain’t built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I’m wearing I will always be
Two different women, but both singing powerful messages even in their own little ways.  Another storm to weather for our gender. My grand daughter will be born in a few weeks, hopefully the world she is raised in will be different and her body will be her body and she will have a right to choose what she wants to do with it.
Anyhow, the soapbox is getting a little to high for me to step off of this morning. So, again invisible eyes, thanks for stopping by and hope to see you around these parts again.  Breathe…
Here are a few fun photos.  A few years ago I published a book called If These Rocks Could Talk:  Joshua Tree Unauthorized.  It was a tongue and cheeky book.   Below are a few photos from the book.

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Found it!  Need a little kick start this morning and the bed was just so warm and Taco and Jenny didn’t seem to mind.  Hunger and shit like that got me going to my Office.  Often when I am not feeling to well, I look up music, something that strikes my fancy.  If it gets my head moving in the morning and typing that as fast I just did right now, then I know that I have found what I needed.  This takes me back to Maxwell Elementary School and 1981-82ish.  I had to transfer there because of some bureaucratic mumbo jumbo and our address not being in the right school district by a few blocks.  I had to leave Beardslee School where I had gone from kinder to 5th grade to go to the school in the less desirable neighborhood of Duarte.  During that time Musical Youth was telling us to Pass the Duchie and Grand Master Flash had his Message and once I heard Frankie Smith I had to jump on the Double Dutch Bus.  Oh yeah, I even learned how to double dutch and could run in.  Never did learn anything real fancy but still, I wish I could do that now!  I still remember being in that 6th grade class and told they had nothing for me to do and let me and another student go ahead of the class with our studies and pretty much work on our own.  I hated my parents for making me go there and not fighting for me but I am glad that they let it simmer.  That year that I did nothing I was on TV on a Los Angeles morning show with a couple of other kids in my mime class, Yes, I can mime with the best of them and juggle too (not to well anymore).  Also, I worked on the yearbook, funny but I do not have a copy of that or any of my yearbooks as I lost them in a fire when our garage burned.  Also, I got to make a student film with a group of other kids from that school.  I think it was named The Mysterious Graveyard or something like that.  We even used special effects and had a ghost disappear and appear.  It was filmed on Super 8 and I remember having to edit and splice the film back together.  I know that the guy we had used as the “ghost” died shortly after we graduated from Duarte High.  His name was Mark Williams and I have not forgotten him.  I was the “director” on that film and we showed it at the Junior Academy Awards that year.  We didn’t win but boy was that groovy for us kids from Duarte!  We wanted to film at the Live Oak Cemetery but need to get permits and such so we had to wing it.  I don’t think we were able to get them, that part is fuzzy.  I will have to look up that teacher, her name was Judy and I can’t remember her last name because she always asked us to call her Judy.  She was also the mime teacher.


Here are a few photos that I took yesterday from my yard.  I love the wind and the clouds were spectacular.  When I  was young I used to think that only old ladies grew shit.  Now I am happily getting up every morning and fussing over my plants.  It’s relaxing and healing.  So, if this means I got old lady cred then alrighty!

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Gosh, it is so cold here right now, actually I know that it isn’t, it’s me.  PSA coming…  If you can, get your flu shots.  If you can’t, stay out of public places and wash your hands.  Have a lovely day and where ever you are going, get there.




It’s been 14 days since my photo shoot and I only got to see a few photos from her camera on that day and have yet to see the finished product. I reached out to the photographer that took them a week ago and have yet to hear back from her.  This worries me, really.  The photos must be hideous, yikes!  I hope I paid her enough as this was not an “in-trade” let’s do this for IG exposure bullshit.  Yeah, I did say that.  I have done those shoots when “influencers” have asked me and yes “they were fun!”  I iwll take practice anytime I can get it.  Every time, I go to text her I freeze up and get scared.  That is where the shyness kicks in.  So, I think I will do a re-shoot in the same dress, at least.  Hopefully, I did nothing to offend her.  Who knows?  She has been posting that she has lots of editing an such on social media but I know how that works so that is why I have given her space.  Luckily I didn’t do boudoir, oh my!  Just cracked myself up!!!  I can do those myself and even throw in a rabbit hat trick.


I love this song and am singing it very loudly right now! Take a Picture by Filter.  The band is a little political and had a couple of popular songs in the 90’s.  I really hate to call things one-hit-wonders, it is kind of insulting.    Anyhow, I love these lines

Could you wanna take my picture?
‘Cause I won’t remember
Could you wanna take my picture?
‘Cause I won’t remember
Could you wanna take my picture?
‘Cause I won’t remember

Maybe this is because I take so many pictures and I am in so little.  Generally, I will post anything anyone takes of me.  I have no shame as I am blogging, right?


When I was sick…what am I talking about.  I am still sick, I can lie to myself and smile and laugh and make jokes but the truth is I am sick.  One morning I took about 20 photos with a remote control.  I knew that disability could only last for so long and I needed to find another outlet for work I just couldn’t sit at a desk anymore crunching numbers.  I thought I was good, but maybe that was me being full of myself.  There is one of the photos from this shoot that I am contemplating adding to my project as I am kind of exposed but I caught the bunny in the photo with me.  It’s kind of funny really but one of my favorites of me even though my face is not showing.  I name all my photos and that one I call Hat Trick, so you can only imagine.

Wow, sorry for the dark side that tumbled from my fingers this Thursday morning in the desert.  Jeepers, well look at that!  It is 7:24 AM and I am famished and probably need to put on another pot…yeah pot…oh yeah, every couple of months I go through these cycles of complete and utter hunger and stomach pain. I really wasn’t hungry, really.  Spinal nerves do so much to everything.  This has gone one for years.  Now as I read the CES group pages and other literature about this condition, it is all starting to make sense.  The picture of the puzzle is starting to form.

I had so much to get off my chest this morning and I for thank you for that therapy session.  Peace, love and peanut butter and jelly sandwiches ’cause that just sounds so amazing right now…

Comfort in the Crowd

So, I went merrily skipping down memory lane this morning!  Still laughing at how far I have come or haven’t actually come. You know how feel about growing up, it is totally overrated.  Here is a promo video that I made of the Ghosts of Kelso in 2017.  I was trying anything to get them attention in this valley.  It is a hard market you know.  This valley is a small fishbowl compared to many metropolitan cities even though we boast two major music festivals.  Anyhow, I had went to this IG training class, it really didn’t do much for me.  It kind of scared me, really.  Not for me.  However, not knocking IG, I have met some very interesting characters either in person or through the web and am so thankful.  Believe it or not, I really am shy.  If I reach out to people and get no response, I generally never reach out again.  When I am told no, I accept it, really.  Now that I do not drink alcohol any longer, my courage has gone way done.

Here is the video,  If you skip to the end, after the credits, you will hear me speak briefly.  It really should be shortened and such but it is good to see how far I have come or haven’t.  Honestly, skip the first minute.  It is hard to watch!

Most of the video, actually all of the video is from camera phones and all the pictures are from either my Sony or the Nikon.  Actually, I am putting together a video for the Pain project and may need to clip some of this as most of this was done during part of that time.

Sing it Willie & Merle…It’s All Going to Pot and yes, with that, it’s time for a break at 5:12 AM

Almost starting to feel normal.  Funny thing about getting older, I remember getting mad at the boys for making fun of me and asking me if my knee was going to be able to tell the weather.  This was after I injured the MCL of my left leg at the Aztec Hotel/Brass Elephant one boozy night and had to wear a hip to toe brace for some weeks, not that I really did.  True story.  I didn’t think it was funny and remember telling them that your bones could not predict the weather.  Jokes on me…Bring on the Palm Springs summer!

Thanks again for stopping by this morning and letting me reminisce.  Honestly, it kick starts the creativity in the grey matter.  Today feels like a good day, doesn’t it?

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Oh, Brother

Well, well, well.  We are back at Sunday. (No, actually it’s Tuesday May, 14, 2019.  It seems I had trouble getting back here.)

I had a thought but got lost in Dispatch and their song The General

Go now, you are forgiven 
Go now, you are forgiven
Go now, you are forgiven

Yes, they feel like a Sunday morning at a little before 5 AM this Mother’s Day morning here in the Coachella Valley.  I  spoke to my daughter yesterday.  She will be having her second child soon. Her first daughter and my second grand daughter.  Exciting right?  I am working hard everyday to get stronger so I can walk through the airports walker free in September when hubby and I are flying to Michigan to meet her! No worries, though, walker or no walker, I am going no matter what!

Universe, what is this? Mother and Child Reunion cover by Dispatch?  

No I would not give no false hope
On this strange and mournful day
But the mother and child reunion
Is only a motion away

If you do check out the video in the link, the Mother and Child Reunion starts at 4:59 but I suggest watching the whole thing as the beginning of the video has some incredible fiddle playing to check out!


I must have got lost again, well not really.  Yes, I did get lost cause now it is Tuesday and I am listening to Joe Diffie and the song Third Rock from the Sun and it has me cracking up!  Thank you for that one as I truly needed it right now.  Smiling.

Universe, you are really are funny, cause I really was feeling like shit this morning and for the last few days.  In the life of someone with CES sometimes life can be a little gray and unpredictable. Anyhow, I have sang this song in karaoke a couple of times (sorry to the people that were there!!), this was probably after a few shots or something and would usually throw in my trade mark growl…(laughing to myself).  My oh my…I did need this! It made me look this gem up!  Prop Me Up Beside The Jukebox (If I Die)

Prop me up beside the jukebox if I die
Lord I want to go to heaven but I don’t want to go tonight
Fill my boots up with sand put a stiff drink in my hand
Prop me up beside the jukebox if I die
Just let my headstone be a neon sign
Just let it burn in mem’ry of all of my good times
Fix me up with a mannequin just remember I like blondes
I’ll be the life of the party even when I’m dead and gone
Prop me up…

I know where I want to be when I go but that does sound kind of cool, right?

Another cool thing happened last week, Tyra Banks is back!  I am excited for her and all of us old gals! She even searched out an unknown women photographer from Instagram!  Very cool!  For all of you dreamers.  Keep dreaming and keep looking toward those stars.

Have a lovely day where ever you are and thank you kindly for stopping by hope to see you this way again…

Making Waves

Often I quote Andre Guide when I want to embark into uncharted waters or I get an unruly wild hair growing out of my ass I need to quiet.  My quote of his is “One cannot discover new lands without consenting to lose sight of shore for a very long time.”  The quote has been changed so many times that I am not sure what the actual one Mr. Guide actually quoted but I am sure it was just as effective as I keep going back year after year and using it.  Anyhow, yesterday I started working on the website for my project.

Camera phone photo taken at 4:30 am….

I settled on that one because it was the first shoot I did with my friend Angel and when I was very ill.  It was in October of 2017 and I had been sick for almost two months and had lost about 35 to 40 pounds at that point. The pain was unbearable but Angel would come hang out and make me laugh.  If I had a goof ball idea she didn’t hesitate to get dressed up and try it out, even if she was in pain too.  We hoped and dreamed a lot during that time.  I remember being thankful that she was there as no one was around and I was so far from Los Angeles and my nearest friends and family.  I wasn’t broadcasting everything on social media for the world at that point.

_DSC0080 your pain is whowing
This portrait taken in 2017 is aptly titled “Your Pain is Showing” as she was having severe neck pain and this is where the name of the project comes from.

Small steps and big dreams, right? Now to finish building.  Hopefully, I can find others that will open up and share their stories and art forms.  Right now, the focus is to:

  • Raise awareness and support to Effects of Pain and Pain Related Illnesses – Mind & Body
  • To feature one to two artists per month or their caregivers.  The featured artist or artists will have front page coverage to feature their story and gallery to showcase their work or music or whatever media it is they choose
  • Opportunity to sell your art and donate portions of the proceeds or all to the charity of your choice

Also, this project seems to be bigger than me and I will need help.  I have to admit, I am in pain and can’t do everything like I used to.  Yesterday at physical therapy, my therapist reminded me that I need to rest when I asked him why my legs felt like lead weights and I had much more pain lately.  He said I had been doing too much and needed to rest.

I have reached out to one person and am waiting to hear back. Oh and this needs to be a 501(c) yes, I am not looking to make money off of others pain or my own. The charity that I am working toward is the Cauda Equina Foundation.  Technically, I am disabled, so this will be a little rough going.  I want to find voices for our pain, we need to be heard, seen and felt and believed.  So often, we are overlooked because pain is sometimes invisible.  So, if there are any willing volunteers we can work by Skype or Dropbox.  The wonders of science.  Who would have thought that now we don’t even have to be in the same room to collaborate anymore.  Cool, right?  Who knows, this might just turn out to be another pipe dream.  I hope not, as I think it could do good for people and for me.  Who knows?



Above that was hubby four years ago, right on cue Facebook, thank you for your invention.   This was about 2 months after his surgery for colon cancer.  So thankful that he pushed through his pain and I remember video taping him only a week after he came home while he played guitar in our lving room and he sang a little.  A friend of ours just posted on FB that music heals.  It seems to be a common theme.

To my Cauda Equina Syndrome people, I just ordered this after I stopped laughing. I can’t wait to get it in the mail!  For years I used joke around because I fell a lot and would say “I am really not drunk just gravity challenged.” Now I really do have a valid reason!  Hey, if you can’t laugh at your self sometimes…


Have a fabulous Saturday where ever in the world you are.  May it be restful sweet.  Thanks for stopping by and hope to see you around these parts again.